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Is Low Self-Esteem A Feeling You Can Ever Get Over

Is Low Self-Esteem A Feeling You Can Ever Get Over?

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While you are in it, low self-esteem can feel like you are in an abyss that will never end. Nothing you do or say will ever be good enough and you find yourself feeling unworthy or undeserving and it affects every area of your life.

You need to know it is possible to get over the feeling of low self-esteem. It is a process of reprogramming yourself and taking inventory of what is true and what isn’t in your life. When you are battling low self-esteem you believe you will never get over it and everything negative you say about yourself is true, but it isn’t. A lot of what you tell yourself are just programs you have been running for a long time that require you to decompile them and install new upgrades.

Think of your mind like a computer. If you were running an old operating system like DOS today you wouldn’t be reading this article. You needed to upgrade your operating system to WINDOWs to get online and search the internet. Your mind is like a super computer; you sometimes need to identify the operating system and then the programs that have been installed. Some may work and others need to be updated, decompiled or deleted.

First let’s define what self-esteem really is because many people confuse it with how they look to others or what they have accomplished in their lives. Self-esteem simply put boils down to appreciating who you are perfectly imperfect. Self-Esteem is defined as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.

Low self-esteem is more common than most people realize and very misunderstood. It becomes the culprit and root cause that makes you vulnerable to stress, anxiety and even depression. Low self-esteem when not addressed can lead to many emotional, personal and relationship challenges.

The process to get over the feeling of low self-esteem is easier than you might have imagined. It requires you do some decompiling of your old programs and start questioning what you are telling yourself. You may be relying on the old tapes when you could be upgrading to DVD’s. It requires you to stop beating yourself up and put in some nicer programs that will support you now.
Once we understand the programs that underlie the low self-esteem we can begin to free ourselves to live with greater joy, happiness, success and fulfillment.

Are you ready to let go of what no longer serves you? Take back the control and live the life you deserve and desire?

Then commit to these simple tasks to learn how to get over the feeling of low self-esteem:

• Acknowledge How Low Self-Esteem Shows Up for You – Your low self-esteem comes from beliefs and the “lies” you tell yourself. You’re good or bad, a success or failure, pretty or ugly. Low self-esteem can come from a fear of not being liked and wanting others to accept you. Fear of not being good enough, worthy enough, pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough. Fear of not being loved. Write a list of the fears or lies that are holding you back and causing your low self-esteem.

• Take Inventory of Which Life Lessons Created the Low Self-Esteem – More than half of your beliefs were formed by the time you were five years old by well-meaning parents, teachers and guardians.
For example, you believed in the tooth fairy, perhaps for years. Ask yourself, what other lies you were told? Think about some of the life lessons that have defined you. What was the life lesson you learned from it? Were they true or limiting beliefs that no longer serve you? Gather information and support, confront the perception, dissipate the fear. You get to choose which to hold on to or release.

Is it possible when you were nine years old someone said you weren’t smart? Could that have been true at the young age of nine that there was more you needed to learn? Does that mean you are not smart today? No, of course not, but if you keep telling yourself, you’re not smart you eventually will start to believe it.

Instead, make of list of 10 things that prove it to be FALSE. If you are finding a challenge identifying them ask your family, friends, co-workers to give you examples of times they found you to be smart in some area. Do this for your personal limiting belief that causes your feeling of low self-esteem.

• See What It Has Cost You Believing the LIES about Yourself – You may not have ever thought what low self-esteem has cost you. It doesn’t have to be in a monetary sense, but it can be too. Perhaps you missed out on events, gatherings, opportunities personally and professionally due to your low self-esteem. Allow yourself to “get sick and tired” of “being sick and tired” with it all.

• Break Through Toxic Emotions & Meanings – Words generate meanings which create the emotions of our lives, which drive all our actions, therefore producing the results we experience! Look at the language are you associating to your circumstances.

There are over 500k words in English language yet linguist say we only use 2,000 in our vocabulary. Over 4,000 words are available to describe our emotions yet most people generalize and live in less than a dozen (12) of which 80% are negative and we link all the same pain or pleasure to each one. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,” persuades the victim of name-calling to ignore the taunt, to refrain from physical retaliation, and to remain calm and good-natured. Names and words can hurt you if you let them.

Stay away from toxic words & emotions and create new empowering ones! Redefine the negative words and emotions you tell yourself over and over again that create your low self-esteem and replace them with new empowering meanings. Instead of generalizing the meaning and emotion make it specific and rewarding. For example, instead of “I am not smart” perhaps you came up with “I am smart at work”, “I am smart with how I raise my children”, “I am smart with my organization skills”, “I am smart with how I manage money.”

• Learn to take IMPERFECT Action – Give yourself permission to get over the feeling of low self-esteem and eliminate the things that keep you stuck like pain, shame, guilt and blame. Stop making excuses for your life and start taking responsibility for it from here on in. Take imperfect action and find what is great in every moment instead of what is wrong.

• Make Peace & Practice Gratitude – The gift of a high self-esteem starts with making peace with your pain. Start with gratitude. Be grateful! Count Your Blessings! Your very life is the results of your thinking processes. According to Claude m. Bristol “The secrets of success lies not without, but within, the thoughts of man…what you believe yourself to be, you are.” Your thoughts control every action be careful with them.

When you make these suggestions a daily practice in your life you will see low self-esteem is a feeling you can get over quickly and easily. Your self-esteem will improve and you will start to feel even better about yourself. You will find more appreciation and love show up around you. Your self-worth will improve and you will find yourself taking more pride in your successes.
The world around you may seem to have changed, but you will know it was an inside job.
Decide today to eliminate low self-esteem and make it a feeling you can get over. Start now by taking imperfect action, appreciate all the gifts in your life and live in gratitude. See how the challenges you once thought were so big no longer have weight in your life. Watch the way you see and feel about yourself improve day by day.

Eating Disorders Are About Feelings, Not Food

Eating Disorders Are About Feelings, Not Food

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Eating disorders are more about feelings than food. Unfortunately, today most people are focusing on the symptom and not the problem. In the U.S., 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder, according to NEDA.

No one wakes up one day and decides to have an eating disorder; it is something that develops as a coping mechanism to deal with what is going on in their environment. We are influenced by our family, peers, associates and media on a daily basis as to who we are supposed to be, act and look like. For many of us, we will never measure up to the expectations of others, non the less our own and it leaves us feeling like we are not enough. Due to inadequate coping skills to tolerate negative feedback, many will respond to emotional pain, conflict, low self-esteem, anxiety or stress by using food.

This Article

  • Improved My Health 1
  • Changed My Life
  • Saved My Life

Food becomes a means for control when you feel you have none. Outside emotions get displaced by taking the focus off what is really bothering you and putting it on the food. Some people will seek refuge in compulsive overeating, binge eating or bulimia, and for others they may choose to restrict with anorexia. They are all an attempt to use food intake and weight control to manage emotional conflicts that actually have little or nothing to do with food or weight at all.

Many people with eating disorders appear to be functioning at a high level, such as enjoying success with work or home life. Eating disorders do not occur in an otherwise fulfilled, happy, and emotionally stable person. People with eating disorders are struggling with a number of emotional problems that have been swept under the rug for no one to see. This may be a hard concept to accept. Often, the only problem appears to be with eating or weight. However, healthier eating habits or stronger willpower are not the missing ingredients that will make the problem disappear.

Emotional factors that can contribute to eating disorders:

  • Low self-esteem.
  • Poor body image.
  • Feelings of inadequacy or lack of control.
  • Depression, anxiety, anger, or loneliness.
  • Perfectionism.
  • Stress, guilt, blame or shame.
  • Trauma.

Relational factors that can contribute to eating disorders:

  • Problems with family and personal relationships.
  • Difficulty expressing emotions and feelings.
  • Belief they did it to themselves and don’t deserve care from others.
  • History of being teased or ridiculed based on size or weight.
  • Past of emotional, physical or sexual abuse.

Social factors that can contribute to eating disorders:

  • Belief that people are judging based on their weight .
  • Society pressures that magnify “being thin” or having the “perfect body” as seen in media.
  • Belief if I’m not a certain weight I will not be loved.
  • Making size of a woman or man the value they possess in the world (IE: If they are too big they have no value).
  • Cultural norms learned and reinforced from parents, friends, teachers, and others in a society that values people on the basis of physical appearance and not inner qualities and strengths.

Solutions to help stop eating disorders:

  • There are a variety of potential causes to eating disorders. Once started they can create a self-perpetuating cycle of physical and emotional abuse. The only way to stop an eating disorder is a decision to do so by the individual that is hurting themselves.
  • Family and friends may have the best intentions to help the individual and create some potential leverage, but the only one that can make the decision to stop is the person doing it.
  • Understand that it may not have been a conscious decision to turn to food to feel better, and for that reason willpower will not help you stop it. You need help to work on the unconscious level to change the behavior and reinforce more empowering coping mechanisms to deal with negative situations so that you can live an authentic life, happy, healthy and free!

Eating disorders are insidious diseases and can be a real challenge to overcome. Once you change the meaning around what food is to you and learn to deal with negative situations in a non-reactive way, it gets easier to focus on what is really going on and deal with the problems not the symptoms.

Fortunately, today I can share that I have over 22 years of abstinence from compulsive overeating, binging and purging and it all started with taking the first step, making a decision to stop. If you are struggling with an eating disorder know that you are not alone and there is help out there when you are ready for it.

Lisa Lieberman-Wang is an Emotional Health Expert, Licensed Neuro-Linguistic Practitioner and creator of Neuro Associative Programming (NAP). You can find more helpful tips to loving yourself and emotional eating at her website, FineToFab.com, or by calling 1-844-FINEtoFAB. Pick up a copy of her book, Fine to Fab, here!

LoveYourself

7 Ways to Love Yourself

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Loving yourself seems like an easy task, but for some it is the hardest thing you can ever do. You were born perfect, but somewhere between birth and earth something changed. You learned what is right and wrong, and were introduced to rules and beliefs of other well-meaning adults and guardians. You began to learn what it means to fit in and do everything in your power to be what you thought others wanted you to be, only to feel lost, alone or unfulfilled. A time comes when you look back asking yourself, how did this happen? It wasn’t one situation that shaped your destiny, but a series of repeated experiences that made you believe you had to be something other than who you are in order to be loved. Trying to please everyone, to feel loved, to no avail, and leaving the most important persons’ considerations out of it completely: YOU!

It is an interesting concept to think we need to learn how to love ourselves, but note that our ancestors before us weren’t taught, and hence we never learned. Cultures, religions and institutions dictated who you needed to be to fit in and when you didn’t measure up, you learned you weren’t enough.

I can speak from personal experience that I needed to learn how to love myself for who I was, perfectly imperfect. The cost of being something you are not and trying to fit into everyone else’s mold comes at a cost to your self-worth and self-esteem.

Here are 7 Tips for Loving Yourself:

1. Be yourself

 

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One of the greatest difficulties in being yourself is living in a world where everyone is trying to be like everyone else. The truth is, someone will always be prettier, smarter or younger, but they will never be you. It is not about changing so that people will like you. Be yourself so that the right people will love you. You were born to be outstanding, so stand out. You are an original, so be the best you that you can be.

2. Be happy with you first

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If you are not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else. You have to create stability within yourself before you can expect it from others. Many people look to others to make themselves feel better. You need to be happy with you first before you can really help others.

3. Learn to F.L.Y. – First Love Yourself!

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Start by loving everything about you; the gifts you already possess, your sense of humor, your caring heart, your smile, your intelligence, your ability to care for others. Then learn to love your bumps and lumps and all that make up who you are today, a beautiful person. Let go of your judgement of who you are supposed to be and instead focus on the amazing person that you are now, perfectly imperfect, one of a kind being. Not for who loves you or other external validation, but for your own love and acceptance. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it needs to start with you loving yourself for who you are, not who you are not.

4. Put your needs first

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Losing yourself in the process of loving someone more than you love yourself, and forgetting that you too are special, is very painful and lonely. Yes, help others; but help yourself first. If you are not whole, there is nothing to offer anyone else, so “take care of your mothers’ daughter/son first.”

5. Be everything to you, not everything to everybody

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Trying to please everyone is impossible and will only leave you in despair. Being all you can be for you will be enough for that lucky person who graces your presence. So narrow your focus. Be the best version of you and those who deserve your friendship will find you.

“You alone are ENOUGH. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”

–Maya Angelou

 

6.Laugh more and worry less

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Worrying will not strip tomorrow of its troubles; it will strip today of its wonder. Most of the things we worry about never happen, and they certainly do not happen the way we thought they would. So, laugh more and worry less. It will add years to your life.

7. Be grateful

Via Pexels

Maintain an attitude of gratitude. No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone else is desperately fighting for theirs, and there is always someone else who has it worse than you. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, appreciate what you have. Remember that every day above ground is a good day. Every day you wake up, you can be grateful.

Loving yourself can be easy, just treat yourself with the same love and respect you have for the others you care about and see how amazing it can be. Imagine what your days will be like when you are nicer, kinder, more loving to yourself. How will that change the way you do things? How will it affect the way you see the world? What will be different about your gate, as you walk in a room? What possibilities will open for you when you show up as the best possible version of you?

You are a gift! Remember that daily and treat yourself like the present you already are and share that gift with others.

Lisa Lieberman-Wang is a Relationship Expert, Licensed Neuro-Linguistic Practitioner and creator of Neuro Associative Programming (NAP). You can find more helpful tips to loving yourself and improving your life at her website, FineToFab.com, or by calling 1-844-FINEtoFAB. Pick up a copy of her book, Fine to Fab, Here!

 

7 Ways Confident Moms Raise Daughters Who Love Themselves

7 Ways Confident Moms Raise Daughters Who Love Themselves

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Your daughter is watching.

Think about where you learned to love yourself. What role models did you have growing up? If you are like most of us, you didn’t have the mom that looked in the mirror and relished in her own beauty. Instead she would be pointing out her flaws — maybe not publicly, but you heard or felt her constant dislike of herself.

The way she stressed over the extra 5-10 pounds she put on or the fact that she’s older and not looking like she used to. She was always on a diet, never truly happy with herself or felt good enough. She definitely wasn’t flaunting every curve and celebrating her beauty, at least that was not my reality growing up.

“Concerns about weight and appearance are easily transferred from one generation to the next. As women age, they tend to adopt eating, weight-control, and appearance-enhancing behaviors similar to those modeled by their mothers,” explains a research study done at the Canadian Journal of Dietetic Practice and Research.

It was no wonder that many of us grew up feeling insecure with a low self-esteem and poor body image thinking we were never skinny enough, pretty enough or good enough.

A mom’s disdain for herself can be a direct reflection on her daughter without even knowing it. She begins to judge herself as her mother did. She adopts the behavior by modeling her mom, peers and what we see others do. She begins to question her self-worth based on how she looks.

We teach our daughters by being role models for them, and yet many women never had an ideal one, therefore making it quite difficult until now.

Here are 7 ways we can show our daughters TRUE confidence:

1. Become the role model you WANT your daughter to follow. ​

No longer does the old motto, “do as I say, not as I do” work for todays generation.  It’s all about matching and mirroring our behaviors as to what is acceptable.

Moms, you need learn to F.L.Y. — First Love Yourself — as you are right now. Not when you lose ten pounds or get a facelift. Start with being grateful for all you do have and not what you don’t. Watch your self-esteem improve and your daughters will follow suit.

2. Talk yourself up.

Look in the mirror every day with enthusiasm and tell yourself 50 things that are extraordinary about you when you show up at your personal best. Have your daughter do her own 50 and recite them together daily.

It takes 20 positive statements to counteract even one negative. Give yourself a head start for the day. You will both start feeling more empowered within a short period of time.

3. Cut back on media of all sorts.

Trashy magazines and pop culture that tells you how you should look need to GO. You are already perfect. It’s when we compare ourselves to the 2% of the population that looks different that we question our own self-worth. Kick the bad influences out of your life as soon as possible.

4. Tell your daughter how TRULY amazing she really is on a regular basis.

Girls need to know you love them all the time! Tell your daughter how wonderful she is whenever you have the opportunity. Encourage her, be her raving fan, show appreciation for her gifts of humor, courage, ingenuity, curiosity, intelligence as she expresses herself.

Take the focus off physical attributes.

5. Take imperfect action!

Perfect DOESN’T EXIST. According to Oxford Dictionary, The definition of perfection is “having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.”

Who’s to say what is “perfect” and what isn’t anyway? Instead, just take imperfect action often and celebrate the activity — not the result.

6. Do your very best in all that you do.

Celebrate the journey in life and not the destination. Our worlds are not black or white, but a rainbow of colors and living in that beautiful place gives one freedom to experiment, enjoy, rejoice, have fun and grow.

With this philosophy you can foster creativity, ingenuity, and excitement for yourself and your daughter.

7. Be there with love.

There is no greater gift than a loving mom. One that is there to support you, cheer you on, and be by your side. Love yourself and your daughter and know there will be trials and tribulations over time and the best gift we can give anyone is an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on and a hand to lift you up.  Be all of those things and more, let your daughter grow and find her own voice. Praise her and encourage her to figure things out and be there if she needs you. There will be a time when you won’t be able to mend all her wounds. Give her the skills to heal herself along her journey.

Lisa Lieberman-Wang is the creator of Neurological Associative Programming (NAP) and a relationship & breakthrough expert. Contact her at here.