You know how sometimes the answers are right in front of you? We tend to spend our whole lives looking outside ourselves for the answers when we already have them. Knowing how to breakthrough the noise and clutter can seem difficult or daunting at times. Never feeling like you’re enough. Never smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough? Did you ever ask yourself where all the static came from? Who created the rules that led my life? How did I get here? What does it really take to be happy?
All important questions, but too seldom asked. Instead we choose to play an old tape made years ago that has lost it’s luster. Or reference a map for your answers to how to get somewhere but it was made so long ago that it’s missing all the new roads, highways, turnpikes, freeways, tunnels and ferries. We no longer use typewriters, record players or cassettes. They are old, worn out, over used and need to retire. They are obsolete and need to be replaced with more updated models. Time to create a new story, a new direction on a more updated model with your truth. I remember growing up believing in the tooth fairy. Did you? Well it was years later when I learned it was my mom and dad. What about the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause? Who made them up? If they lied about that, what else did they lie about?
It has been said that 55% of our beliefs are formed by the time we are five years old by our parents, guardians, grandparents telling us how we should feel, what we should do, what to believe in, what’s right or wrong. Reminds me of the Pygmalion effect wanting everyone to be like you. Fortunately, we were all made from a unique mold. There is only one you. You were just taught to be like someone you weren’t. Know whatever fears, limiting beliefs your parents had, became yours. You didn’t just try them on, in a lot of cases you may now own them.
I grew up believing what I was told. Children are to be seen and not heard. Listen to your elders. Any of those ring a bell? Growing up I wasn’t always called the nicest things. As a matter of fact the nicknames my father had for me were quite awful. I wasn’t called princess or pumpkin but “Asshole”. Imagine what my childhood was like. We were out at a movie theater watching The Longest Yard with Burt Reynold’s and there was a scene in the movie where they said, “You are all assholes.” My dad without missing a beat screams out in the theater, “see Lisa, they are calling you.” Humiliating! It didn’t stop there… there are tons more. I was told I had “turnsta disease” anything I touched turned to shit. I hope I am not offending you here, but imagine being a young precious little girl hearing this stuff all the time. Situations in my life over the years felt like self-fulling prophecies. I was taken advantage of on a date. Took abuse that no one should ever endure. A sudden heart attack at the age of eighteen. Stressed and on medications at a young age. How would you feel about yourself? What would you believe?
God doesn’t make junk and I wanted to believe that I wasn’t, but circumstances lead me on a journey that offered me more reasons to believe I was. Suffice it to say I spent thirteen years trying to kill myself with an eating disorder. Countless hospitalizations, therapy, OA, AB, SA, self help programs using a myriads of ways to sabotage myself which included using food as a coping mechanism, then spending, then work. I found anything and everything to escape what I could not leave. ME! But who am I?
A question I never asked myself? As a matter of fact, I took on an identity that was given to me, that was never who I was. Never knowing how to ask better questions, to listen but not hear, to see and not believe. I believe everyone does the best they can with what they know. Too often we just don’t know. I know now.
One moment changed my life forever. I made a DECISION. I put an end to any other option and decided I wanted more. More love, happiness, kindness, peace, joy, relationships and money. The how came after the decision. I learned the mindset that lead me to the strategy and then the skill-set. I found the right coaches and mentors to guide me. That was twenty years ago. Today I am living my truth. I am enough. I have even more than I could have ever dreamed.
You see I was always FAB (Fabulous, Awesome, Beautiful) but somewhere I was lead me to believe I was F.I.N.E. (F’d Up, Insecure, Neurotic & Emotional). Today I refuse to be F.I.N.E! I am FAB and so are you! You are already Perfect! What ever stories you were told or tell yourself must stop. They are not true. God doesn’t make junk. You are already FAB!
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